I don't know what led to it, but it's . . . well . . . weird.
When I was a girl, submission in marriage looked like what I saw Mrs. C doing.
Mrs. C was married to an illiterate farmer that drove a produce truck. They both loved Jesus and she had spent her young adulthood working in a sewing factory. From the time my dad was a boy sweeping up at the factory until I was a young girl myself, you never heard Mrs. C. speak a word of idle gossip. She and her husband showed up at church like it was the greatest privileged and raised their girls to love all things related to God and His service.
Her husband didn't have lots of nice clothes, but Mrs. C knew how to make any garment look incredible. She would wash his bib overalls until they were spotless and then iron and starch them until they could stand on their own. She knew how to get his work shirts spotless white before there were special products and fancy washers to do the work for her. Mrs. C's husband might not have shown up to church in a suit and tie, but no man could compare to the love and attention that went into those overalls and shirts.
She made the most of what she had. She loved her husband and children faithfully. She focused on his strengths, took pride in his accomplishments and didn't let on that she noticed the rest. That's what submission USED to look like. The richest man in our circle never had such a wife as Mrs. C.
But that was then.
Today, there are women that are working hard to lead their homes from the position of submission. The goal seems to be to create an atmosphere where the husband will become 'all that he should be.' It's almost like, 'See honey? I did this and this and this so that you could become the man of my dreams.' It's a manipulation rather than something done from the position of faith and devotion to God and marriage. It's a systematic wearing down of a man's freedom to lead as a man -- for the good or bad.
When did we decide that the best way for a man to be a man was for him to acquiesce to a female's whims? When did we decide that the highest calling for a man was to follow the ups and downs of a woman's emotions? HOW is that manly?
Someone got things all upside down and inside out when I wasn't looking.
Here's the truth that women like Mrs. C and generations before me knew:
Honoring and submitting to a man isn't for wimps. It takes guts and resources that you are sure you don't have from time to time. Giving a man the final say in matters of marriage means that from time to time you will disagree, but you will follow. It also means that you have a mind of your own. If you didn't it wouldn't be submitting to follow. YOU will have to process how it plays out in your marriage. You'll have to sift through the stuff of life and determine what is honoring and what is just setting him up for failure so that he will 'see things your way' next time. You'll have to take your heart again and again before the God of this universe and ask Him to show you where you've fallen short. It's a process that is only possible when you are driven by your love and devotion to the God who calls you to it.
Throughout the body I'm hearing from pulpits how ministers expect wives to prod their husbands into church services. Wives are called to give of their time, money, and other resources without the agreement of their husbands. Rather than honoring the order created by God, there are all sorts of work-arounds that are camouflaged as submission.
For the record, IT ISN'T SUBMISSION WHEN:
* You engage in bad behavior -- or avoid doing what you should -- and THEN claim your husband told you to do it.
* You attempt to sidestep the consequences of your own actions by claiming your husband instructed you in the matter -- when he only agreed to avoid the inevitable argument.
* You tell your husband just enough information so that he will decide to do what you wanted him to do.
* You withhold or offer your favor to your husband to try and direct his actions.
* In matters where your husband directs, you do the opposite and claim God told you to do so.
* You order your household after teachings that you found, approved and convinced your husband to rubber stamp instead of building on your husband's preferences.
Submission isn't a game. It's a calling. It's not a way to wheedle the things you need or want out of your man. It's how we honor God and the man He made husbands to be.
*shaking head* I don't know.
Maybe the fear of the Lord just isn't common any more. Maybe a lot of people are getting their teachings from some place other than Scriptures. I suspect that there are a lot of power hungry individuals that are grasping at the authority God bestowed on husbands, thinking they can re-route it their own way. I've seen men in leadership trying to tell other men's wives how/where/what to do in their own homes. I've seen women judging other women on their clothing, food or health choices. Rather than Scriptures being our final authority, we've gone to living by a list of principles and standards that have taken on a life of their own.
Like I said, something weird happened to women when I wasn't looking.
I hope you are the exception to this trend.
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