Emotional Hostage Takers

My condolences to anyone that is related to or must regularly deal with an Emotional Hostage Taker (EHT). These individuals are usually female, however (in this day of the feminized male) I see it also occurring in some men.

What's an Emotional Hostage Taker?

An EHT is a person that demands all others be consumed with meeting their emotional needs. As a parent, and EHT will teach the children to never think for themselves and will convince them that any act of autonomy is an attack against their poor, poor mother. As a wife, this woman will demand that her husband have no outside contacts without her presence. She will emasculate him and then play the victim when he becomes angry over her manipulations. She will 'punish' her husband for having any hobbies, conversations or interests that don't revolve around her. She expects to be the center of the universe in her home.

As a co-worker, she is alternately a bully and a victim. She will collect long lists of other people's wrongs and hold them until she needs to use them as a weapon against anyone that threatens to call her to account for her own actions. If she is in a position of authority, she will work to get rid of anyone that cannot be intimidated. As a worker, she will not strive to do her best, only to best those around her. The object is not to do excellent work, but to appear skilled by being compared to those who present no real competition. When all else fails, she will become emotionally distraught, accuse others of creating a hostile work environment and threaten legal action -- alternately bullying and playing the victim.

As an extended family member, this is the person that ruins every get-together. She is adept at laying traps and collecting evidence to support her false accusations. An innocent comment that someone would like some salt is retold as a vicious attack on her cooking skills. Any statement can be twisted by the EHT to cast doubts on the speaker's motives. If an elderly adult expresses concern over a child for any reason, this woman will angrily swoop in and disrespect her elders in the guise of defending her turf. In order to compete with other moms in the family, she will look for ways to portray them as mean, unfriendly, harsh or poor mothers in comparison to herself. Her husband will not be allowed to make plans or converse with anyone unless it is with her approval or in her presence. Sometimes, in order to appear innocent of the strife she cultivates, she will require that her husband fight her battles for her. This means family members will often be left wondering what prompted an angry retort from an otherwise peaceful man.

The children of this woman will avoid telling her details regarding any occasion. She is threatened by any event that occurs outside of her supervision. If she has a best friend, that person will be VERY quiet by necessity.

If she doesn't change, the EHT will eventually drive all family members away. At the end of life, her habits will likely be so ingrained that she will be incapable of seeing anything wrong with the cruelties that have served her so well. This is a person that doesn't trust others will care for her without being coerced into it. Those who care but won't be manipulated eventually leave her to stew in her own juices.

It's one thing to look to loved ones to comfort and soothe us when times are difficult. However, it is quite another to demand that others feelings always come second to your own. If you've caught yourself walking down this path, it's worth your most valiant effort to turn away and with the help of all of Heaven's resources, refuse to go there any longer.



Emotional Hostage-Taking
by Sea Gisondo

I'm sorry love for everything I've done
I manipulate with tears to til I'm sure that I have won
I'm sorry dear for often seeing red
For reconstructing every little word you said to me

Out to be a storm stronger than the ocean
What I do, I've taken you
Captive under my emotions

I'm sorry love for everything I've said
Sometimes I think I'm right and get inflated in the head
I'm sorry love for getting out of hand
I know that you forgive me but just try to under
Stand what I say, it's not meant that way

As a storm stronger than the ocean
What I do, I've taken you
Captive under my emotions

I'm sorry love for being such a bitch
For pointing out each fault of yours and finding every glitch
I admire your adeptness to forgive
To accept the dirty truth and just get on and
Live and give

Nothing is a storm stronger than the ocean
I have to stop taking you
Captive under my emotions

I'm sorry love for everything I've done

***

“To forgive is to set a prisoner free
and discover that the prisoner was you.”
~Lewis B. Smedes~
***