Apologies to Drive Thru Window Servers

To everyone that has ever worked in any of the drive through booths that our family has gone through, I am terribly sorry! I do hope that you don't believe that everyone in the car agrees with the behavior of the driver, we don't. Maybe it will help you to know what we, the passengers, are experiencing.

Our driver likes to 'surprise' his passengers with a quick snack or drink from a drive through. He will announce his intent and wheel into your driveway. In the time it takes him to rush to your speaker, we must quickly decide what we want because we know what is coming next.

If we cannot decide what we want (because we weren't given enough time), then we must sit at the speaker and try to read your menu while the driver repeatedly demands to know what we want and reject/alter/criticize/change our selections. His demands trigger the employee on the headphones to ask, "May I take your order?"

This triggers more impatience from the driver who then begins to yell at the passengers AND the person on the speaker. You should know that this driver also cannot comprehend the fact that you cannot hear him when your speaker button is engaged. So, I imagine after you ask for the order, your ears are bombarded with his loud, confused, multiple conversations which started before you finished speaking.

At this point, he begins to order before everyone has decided what they want. He waits for a confirmation of what he has said after each item is announced. He doesn't understand that you are waiting for him to complete his order. Possibly he does understand this and expects your procedures to accommodate his behavior -- we aren't sure ourselves.

Because you don't know what he is thinking, and he can't figure out how to finish ordering without someone giving him constant feedback, he just gets more irritated every time he has to ask if you got his last item. This is followed by you listening as he then returns to speaking to the passengers. Of course, you think he is talking to you. You ask him what was that and he shouts that he needs a few minutes.

When this happens, you may step away for a moment. The driver thinks you are still standing at the ready. Rather than making sure you are still at your station when he is ready to order, he starts ordering again and waiting for you to repeat each item. Of course, you may have only heard part of his order as you had stepped away to give him the minute he requested. When you repeat the part you heard, he gets even more angry if you didn't hear what he said when you weren't there.

At this point, he is shouting/screaming. I know his volume is likely causing a lot of distortion on your end. This requires you to ask him to repeat himself for clarification. He begins to scream at the speaker, sometimes with the door open for emphasis.

I try not to think about what is done to our food while we wait, what our children are learning from this experience, or what this is doing to the person on the other end of that speaker. . . .

But I do think about all of that. I just wanted you to know we admire you for putting up with it and for always greeting our embarrassed group (with the angry driver) with a smile and offering to help him in any way you can. We will continue to try to find a solution on our end, and we continue to be grateful for your patience and understanding.

Monarchy Versus Husbandry

When deciding on a husband, I am finding that one of the MOST important things to do is to discover what his real thoughts are about the husband and wife relationship. How does he think the ideal couple relates to each other? How would he most like to relate to his wife and children?

Of course, a woman may not be the one to get this information out of a young interested man. He will only be trying to find the words to impress her. For him, words are the tool used to acquire the desired prize (the woman). He's not about to reveal any truth that he imagines would impede his progress. So, this knowledge will come from some keen observation and investigation -- not so much from long, intimate conversation.

Why is this so important?

Because there is a fallacy that is being promoted that the ideal husband functions as a king or monarch in his home. Anyone taking the time to read the Bible will learn the history of how monarchies were first formed. It was a heathen practice by groups that worshiped idols. When the newly formed nation of Israel first asked God to give them a king, God called them an adulterous people. He had invested the time and effort to teach them how to function as a united people. He had led them, provided for their needs and protected them. Now, they wanted to be like everyone else. They'd rather have a king than be faced with the intensity of a close relationship to Him, a theocracy.

Rightly so, God was offended. [Thomas Paine's booklet COMMON SENSE does a nice Bible study on the topic.]

God calls the man who has a wife a husband. Again, a brief reading of Scripture will reveal that the word husband is not used interchangeably with the word king. While Christ is called the King of kings. Husbands are not. Husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave His very life for it. In relationship to the Church, Christ is called a husband and the Church is his bride.

A husbandman is one that works hard to make things grow. He is not a slave to his own ego. He is not addicted to entertainments and distractions. He is one that relishes the opportunity to prove himself a good steward of that which has been entrusted. He rejoices to see new growth and encourages it. He works towards harvest time and brings in the return from the fields. He stores the increase and the overflow blesses those who are near him. He NEEDS a help meet to join him in the task and he relishes the good that comes when two hearts come together as one to make something MORE.

In a nutshell, that's what a husbandman is. He embarks on a journey that cultivates the wife and children entrusted to him into something more than any of them could have become alone. He does not selfishly take from others, he plants good seed for harvest time. He does not carelessly spend, he invests. He does not remain idle, because he sees that the seasons are passing. He considers the future and prepares himself and his household. He is a husband man.

A monarch, on the other hand, is insulated from the effects of his decisions. He passes down edicts that restrict his subjects, not himself. He receives information from fawning advisers that often have their own agendas and attempt to move and sway the king to their own advantage. He separates people from their possessions and fills his coffers with that which he has conquered and taken. He leads people into battle and orders the lives of individuals he does not know. His power and position is achieved by vanquishing his enemies and political intrigue. He is a prisoner of his own office and must secure his position by eliminating those who appear smarter or stronger than he. His people are required by law to honor him, but he cannot force them to love him. He is a figurehead, not an intimate. He is alone.

Children's cartoons sing the praises of growing up to be king. Very few people take the time to remind their sons what it means to be a husband. Grown men are going around defending their their 'honor,' trying to establish miniature monarchies. Too few are embracing husbandry. Families are suffering as a result. What every family needs is a husband. Too few husbands are accepting that role, choosing instead to punish members of the household that do not support the monarchy.

Do you answer a question honestly when asked? A husbandman is glad for the information because it gives him insight and feedback necessary to plan how to adjust and move forward. A monarch will be offended that you deign to say anything other than that which flatters his false image of himself. If you tell a monarch the truth, you risk punishment. If you tell a husbandman the truth, he will use the information to bring about a better end.

This carries over into other areas. Having a problem with the kids? A husbandman will want to know so that your efforts will be joined and the harvest not lost. A monarch will demand that you go away and not bother him with such trivia.

Are you lonely? A husbandman will take you with him into the fields where you will work together and talk and commune. A monarch will be offended that you expect him to be concerned with your needs when you should be serving him.

It goes on. In some circles it's gotten so perverse that believers tell women and children that they are under the authority of any man that decides to boss them around. No longer are we the bride of Christ, but we are now part of some religious hierarchy filled with little tyrants and fiefdoms. Little kings rule over their households and answer to bigger religious kings that tell them how to do everything from spend their money to how to run the show in the bedroom.

The high calling of husbandman has been set aside for the pomp and circumstance of kings with no clothes. In their clamoring to be first, they have made themselves last and taken their families with them.

Look at what a man is most proud of in his life. Has he been able to touch lives in a way that make them more than they were before they met him? Has the increase been in genuine accomplishments and investments of time an talent that showed a return, or has he accumulated power and awards at others' expense? Is he a husbandman to those around him or is he a monarch? Choose carefully when you select a husband.

Consider the different roles and response of a husbandman versus a monarch. Visit an estate, farm or plantation. If the place full of failing plants and sickly animals and you are charged with investigating why the conditions are so bad, you would find the person in charge and ask him what had happened. If you have stumbled upon a monarch, he will first be offended that you have noticed a flaw and then that you assumed it was his responsibility. He will bluster and say whatever is required to make you leave his presence. Often, you will find him running over a tattered list of excuses that includes blaming the plants and animals for being of inferior stock. He will never be convinced that the results have anything to do with his efforts.

If you have found the husbandman, you will likely see him in the middle of an urgent effort to discover the cause himself and/or solve the problem. He will have already contacted any advisers and be in the process of implementing any remedies available to him. Your concern will cause him to want to enlist your help before all that is precious to him is lost. THAT is a husbandman. He is INVESTED in his family and will not rest in his efforts to provide and protect.

Find yourself one of those, ladies. If you can, watch the entire documentary named A MAN NAMED PEARL. This man took the discarded plants from a neighborhood nursery and turned his property into a botanical showplace. A monarch could never have done what this willing caring man accomplished.

Submission in Rebels Clothing

Something weird happened to Christian women when I wasn't looking. . .
I don't know what led to it, but it's . . . well . . . weird.

When I was a girl, submission in marriage looked like what I saw Mrs. C doing. Mrs. C was married to an illiterate farmer that drove a produce truck. They both loved Jesus and she had spent her young adulthood working in a sewing factory. From the time my dad was a boy sweeping up at the factory until I was a young girl myself, you never heard Mrs. C. speak a word of idle gossip. She and her husband showed up at church like it was the greatest privileged and raised their girls to love all things related to God and His service.

Her husband didn't have lots of nice clothes, but Mrs. C knew how to make any garment look incredible. She would wash his bib overalls until they were spotless and then iron and starch them until they could stand on their own. She knew how to get his work shirts spotless white before there were special products and fancy washers to do the work for her. Mrs. C's husband might not have shown up to church in a suit and tie, but no man could compare to the love and attention that went into those overalls and shirts.

She made the most of what she had. She loved her husband and children faithfully. She focused on his strengths, took pride in his accomplishments and didn't let on that she noticed the rest. That's what submission USED to look like. The richest man in our circle never had such a wife as Mrs. C.

But that was then.

Today, there are women that are working hard to lead their homes from the position of submission. The goal seems to be to create an atmosphere where the husband will become 'all that he should be.' It's almost like, 'See honey? I did this and this and this so that you could become the man of my dreams.' It's a manipulation rather than something done from the position of faith and devotion to God and marriage. It's a systematic wearing down of a man's freedom to lead as a man -- for the good or bad.

When did we decide that the best way for a man to be a man was for him to acquiesce to a female's whims? When did we decide that the highest calling for a man was to follow the ups and downs of a woman's emotions? HOW is that manly?

Someone got things all upside down and inside out when I wasn't looking.

Here's the truth that women like Mrs. C and generations before me knew:

Honoring and submitting to a man isn't for wimps. It takes guts and resources that you are sure you don't have from time to time. Giving a man the final say in matters of marriage means that from time to time you will disagree, but you will follow. It also means that you have a mind of your own. If you didn't it wouldn't be submitting to follow. YOU will have to process how it plays out in your marriage. You'll have to sift through the stuff of life and determine what is honoring and what is just setting him up for failure so that he will 'see things your way' next time. You'll have to take your heart again and again before the God of this universe and ask Him to show you where you've fallen short. It's a process that is only possible when you are driven by your love and devotion to the God who calls you to it.

Throughout the body I'm hearing from pulpits how ministers expect wives to prod their husbands into church services. Wives are called to give of their time, money, and other resources without the agreement of their husbands. Rather than honoring the order created by God, there are all sorts of work-arounds that are camouflaged as submission.

For the record, IT ISN'T SUBMISSION WHEN:
* You engage in bad behavior -- or avoid doing what you should -- and THEN claim your husband told you to do it.
* You attempt to sidestep the consequences of your own actions by claiming your husband instructed you in the matter -- when he only agreed to avoid the inevitable argument.
* You tell your husband just enough information so that he will decide to do what you wanted him to do.
* You withhold or offer your favor to your husband to try and direct his actions.
* In matters where your husband directs, you do the opposite and claim God told you to do so.
* You order your household after teachings that you found, approved and convinced your husband to rubber stamp instead of building on your husband's preferences.

Submission isn't a game. It's a calling. It's not a way to wheedle the things you need or want out of your man. It's how we honor God and the man He made husbands to be.

*shaking head* I don't know.

Maybe the fear of the Lord just isn't common any more. Maybe a lot of people are getting their teachings from some place other than Scriptures. I suspect that there are a lot of power hungry individuals that are grasping at the authority God bestowed on husbands, thinking they can re-route it their own way. I've seen men in leadership trying to tell other men's wives how/where/what to do in their own homes. I've seen women judging other women on their clothing, food or health choices. Rather than Scriptures being our final authority, we've gone to living by a list of principles and standards that have taken on a life of their own.

Like I said, something weird happened to women when I wasn't looking.
I hope you are the exception to this trend.